| PASSION CAN'T APPLY WHEN WE'RE SO DRAINED AND PALE;; |
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| We are the image of the invisible. |
[07 Nov 2005|05:29pm] |
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Nada. |
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"We are lost
And we are found
No one can stop us or slow us down.."
--
No, I don't have my computer back, but I figured I'd give you all a decent update to content yourselves with until my computer is unbroken.
School has been okay lately. I've got A's in like every one of my classes. I hate this boy named Robert because he sucks at life and tries to beat me up every day. He told everyone that I was lesbian because he wouldn't date me. Every time I look at him, I wish I was lesbian. Haha. I crack myself up sometimes.
I moved in with my aunt. It's pretty rad. She's not much older than me so we get along 99.9% of the time, and when we fight it's not even that bad.
I've missed Heather & Veronica so much that my heart feels like it's actually starting to break. I just hope that soon I get back my internet and whatnot and I'm able to talk to them every day. It kills not being able to.
I got my tongue pierced.
I don't have pictures yet. They're still on my aunt's digital, and she'll eventually email them.
I TALKED TO VERONICA ON THE PHONE. OH MY GOD.
I WAS SO.
SO.
HAPPY.
Which reminds me, I must call Venescha tonight and wish her a happy birthday. Happy birthday V I love you. :)
Yeah.
My mind died.
Whoops.
I LOVE ALL OF YOU.
♥
priss;
ps. I WANT COMMENTS ON THIS.
pps. Shiloh. I hope you had fun on your date. I love you too.
[/sarcasm]
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| You might think I don't look, but deep inside the corner of my mind, I'm attached to you.. |
[18 Oct 2005|12:32am] |
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Orgy | Fetisha |
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"How does it feel to know you're everything I need?
The butterflies in my stomach,
They could bring me to my knees.."
--
I feel that this quote gives me hope:
"I start to feel that I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through.. And I wish I knew what was wrong.
Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know." --Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation.
Yes. I bought Prozac Nation today. I'm just past the prologue, and I love it. And Avenged Sevenfold makes me want to shoot myself.
Today has been..substandard. I went shopping with my mother and brother. I got new barbells for my ear, and Prozac Nation of course. I still have forty dollars, and I'm getting my tongue pierced tomorrow when I get out of school. I was going to buy CDs, but I ended up going to my friend's house and burning a few.
It's 12:26 in the morning, and I feel I should be getting some sleep. I just wanted to assure myself, and everyone else, that I am in fact, okay. And Veronica, what I said in the last entry wasn't directed towards you, it never could be.
priss;
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| So brown eyes, I'll hold you near. |
[17 Oct 2005|12:31am] |
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No Doubt | Hella Good |
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"If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.."
--
I'm not going to start off by telling you how my weekend was. I'll save that for later on this entry. But I've come to a conclusion. There are a lot of fakes in this world. Physical fakes, mental fakes, all sorts of them. It's not up to just me to weed them out from the real people. I've realized in an instant, everything you thought you knew can be ripped away at the baseboards and reonstructed in a distorted manner.
Yeah, my mind works in mysterious ways.
While I'm thinking about it..
I'm sorry, Chris. I love you.
Now, onto my weekend. It basically fucking sucked. This weekend, I've had to find out who my true friends are, the hard way. I've realized that my skin is thicker than I thought and that crying makes things better.
I went to my aunt's house again last night. In the past week my mother has told me she wants me out of the house at least ten times. Yeah, I'd rather live out on the street than live with her and that's pretty damned awful. But hey, Oberst was right when he said life was no storybook.
Oh, and I just seen a line from "So Much" by the Spill Canvas and it makes my heart hurt.
I'm probably not going to school tomorrow, just because I don't want to. (ps. I just saw Snow Patrol lyrics & that hurts, too.)
Mm..I think that's pretty much all, aside from me feeling like I want to vomit.
priss;
ps. Shiloh and I are dating again.
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| Hey, shut up. |
[15 Oct 2005|11:57am] |
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The Killers | Andy, You're A Star |
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Chris.
Remove me from your friends list.
Kbye.
ps. I've been called priss since February.
suck it up.
thanks.
-Jess
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| Hi, life. You've really started going downhill. |
[14 Oct 2005|06:25pm] |
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calm |
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Hawthorne Heights | Silver Bullet |
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( It's country. Suck it up. )
Now time for the entry.
"I sleep with one eye open
So I can see you breathing
I follow your chest home.."
--
These last few days..have really taken everything out of me. I am sick of dealing with what everyone expects me to. In the timespan of twenty four hours my father has reentered my life and I could quite possibly be going to live with him soon. I don't even know what to do about all of it. My mother is metaphorically dead to me. She has been clipped with me all afternoon but it is time for me to stop caring.
I have twenty dollars in my purse and it is going to have to last me for the next week. Possibly two. Or maybe just days. But I don't know. My stomach is dying, and I shouldn't have come home. I was at my aunt's, possibly should have stayed, but it's not important.
I miss things. So much.
And I wrote a poem today in class, which I love.
I'll post it in my other LJ.
priss;
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| You'll be a lover in my bed & a gun to my head.. |
[12 Oct 2005|11:32pm] |
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thoughtful |
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Smashing Pumpkins | Disarm |
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"Half underwater
I'm half my mother's daughter
A fraction's left up to dispute"
--
So, I doubt there's a word to describe today, but I'll try as best I can, using the clever method of cramming an assortment of words together: crazyhecticsadangrypissedtiringboringlamestupidandlotsofotherthings. Okay, breathe.
I went home today. Only for a visit. I cried. I tried really hard not to, I promise I did. But it didn't happen. My grandmother said that maybe this weekend I could come stay with her. I hope I get to. I miss it. Holden Caufield was right when he said, "that's the thing with people, you can't talk about them or you'll start missing them." Or something like that. You know, I do believe Mr. Caufield and I would get along. Getting off subject.
School..eh..school. I got my report card today. I had two F's. They're not like 30s or whatever. I almost passed both classes, but the only reason I have them is because my teacher got all pissy & only averaged our test grades. Blah.
Even though he'll more than likely never see this, I really miss Blake. Things are even more miserable without him. I just wish I could sit down and talk to him like I used to be able to. Now he's across town..and I'm not.
My mother's boyfriend is getting out of jail soon and most likely moving back in with us. I'm SO overjoyed I don't know what to do. We better get a new house. [/lameass attempt at cheerful sarcasm]
Dear dialup;;
QUIT BEING A MOTHERFUCKING LAMEASS.
Thank you.
Love, your number one fan [/sarcasm]
Jess
Sorry I had to get that out. Dialup just pisses me off, a whole lot. And I'm probably not getting DSL til like Halloween or some lame shit, because Bellsouth sucks at life. As long as I eventually get it, it'll be all good.
DEAR VERONICA;;
I MISS YOU & I LOVE YOU, EVEN THOUGH I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE. PS I STILL NEED TO CALL YOU.
-JESS
Had to get that out too.
I s'pose that's all in the sucktastic life of Jess.
priss;
ps. it's effed that it's 11:29 and my eyes are dying.
speaking of which, I got new glasses today.
yes, I wear glasses.
that is all.
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| BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNING ONNNNNNNNNNNN. |
[10 Oct 2005|06:30pm] |
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Thrice | Stare At The Sun |
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"Well if you wanted honesty
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down.."
--
For those of you that care, my heart just went on a trip. I have it back, now.
Ahh, oh so tiring day. I've napped most of it, and when I've been awake, all that's really happened is a fist fight with that DARLING brother of mine. Result: bruised leg, bruised arm, busted lip. It's not like I care. He didn't hurt me. Moving on. I just saw this advertisement for a Nightmare Before Christmas videogame..um. Kay.
Get me out of the rain, you get me out of my clothes, oh but don't make a sound, you hope that nobody knows.. Ah, good old The Academy Is..[/random]
Back to school tomorrow, after a four day weekend that felt more like torture than fun. I mean, of course I'm not really looking forward to going back, but it'll be a welcome relief from doing nothing 99% of the time. I'll most likely sleep second period away. Ehh..
New Story of the Year sucks SO bad. dkfdsklfdskjlkdjfskdsfjdfsj. :kills:
Degrassi comes on in..30 minutes. Yesss. :D It's a repeat, but who cares? I can hardly wait. And I need more kool-aid. I've run out.
I need to get out of this house before I die.
That is all.
priss;
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| Yeah. |
[09 Oct 2005|09:03pm] |
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mood |
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dead |
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N*Sync. Yeah. Eff you. |
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He left.
And he took my heart with him.
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| Aghhhh. |
[08 Oct 2005|04:51pm] |
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mood |
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Norah Jones | Sunrise |
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"Exchange the sunshine
For brown eyes and dark skies
Replace this dull life with you.."
--
Long day yesterday. Amanda went home, Johnathon came over. We watched Beauty Shop, which surprisingly, I liked. I felt so bad though..I went to bed about midnight cause I felt awful.
Woke up this morning, watched Saturday morning cartoons. That was um..fun? Yeah, I suppose. But old Saturday morning cartoons are better. Way better.
Johnathon griped at me until he left. I cleaned my room. I got in a fist fight with Kyle.
Yeah. That's my day.
priss;
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| & life's like an hourglass glued to the table. |
[06 Oct 2005|11:14pm] |
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Straylight Run | Another Word For Desperate |
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"Holding onto the phone
Holding onto this glass
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.."
--
This has been an emotionally and physically tiring day, for the first time in a long time. I woke up this morning and felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Oh well, I didn't go to school. I don't go tomorrow or Monday, either. I'll live.
Amanda's here. And I absolutely love her.
Oh. And. Heather is my best friend. She really is. Why so? Because she and I are amazing people and basically far superior to anyone. Why else? She hasn't replaced me, like most people that I won't name.
Chris is also amazing, too. ♥
I didn't get to watch the OC tonight. Ugh. I want some chips. My god. I think I'm starving. I didn't even eat dinner.
K that's all.
"I just didn't make good on any of these promises.."
priss;
[EDIT:] & Ronika..she keeps me levelled, and how I ever forget it is more than I'll ever know..my apologies, darling. ♥
[EDIT:] Without M. Colby, I don't make sense.
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| HAPPY. |
[06 Oct 2005|06:02pm] |
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complacent |
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Jack Off Jill | Vivica |
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AMANDA'S HERE. ♥
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| [///lame] |
[06 Oct 2005|03:37pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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The Birthday Massacre | Happy Birthday |
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thank you for your pity, you are too kind.
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| ♥ |
[05 Oct 2005|05:49pm] |
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Alanis Morissette | Mary Jane |
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Do I stress you out?
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out?
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the maker
And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice...
Alanis Morissette -- 'All I Really Want'
♥
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| dafsklewrlkalkjfdsa. |
[05 Oct 2005|02:57pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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Circa Survive |
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Veronica & Heather;;
I was on AIM express & it decided to be stupid and break.
I'm trying to install regular AIM now. -.-
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